Collaborative Document Editing Exercise
Declaration of Independence

This fundamental document clearly benefits from editing.

We have inserted an image of the original Declaration of Independence below.

1. Try your hand at improving Thomas Jefferson's final draft. You may start anywhere, even with this text!

 

2. Studythe suggestions below (cw 4/2/08) made by other participants of 23 Things on a Stick.

3. Feel free to make any and all changes you desire. 

as written by Thomas Jefferson in the Graff House located in PHiladelphia, Pennsylvanie in the year of our Lord, 1776. -Zoma 3/31/08 8:27 PM

The Unanimous Declaration
of the Thirteen United States of America

as written by Thomas Jefferson

in the Graff House

located in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

(Adopted by Congress on July 4, 1776)

A Declaration by the Elected Representatives of the Newly-Formed United States of America. 

From time to time the relationship between a government and its governed becomes so strained and burdensome that it requires a breaking of that bond. While claiming the right to this new and independent status, yet wanting to respect and be respected by the rest of the world, [sounds like a coming-of-age novel Naomi 4/6/08] there is an obligation to put forth the reasons for declaring that independence.   

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that ALL people are created equal.  That they areall of us are (TL 4/2/08 endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, including life, healthcare (as long as I don't have to pay for people who don't want to work to have healthcare!), liberty and the pursuit  (no one guarantees that you will find, grab onto, or catch up with happiness.  You can may just chase it around.)Kris 4/2/08 3:41 P.M.of happiness.  (Agreed! - that's how I memorized the thing--sw 4-4-08)

That to secure these rights, or really good things,(What are the good things that they are talking about..shouldn't it be items or freedoms?-shelf elf)  governments are instituted among nations, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed (or, in some less fortunate cases, through fear of those in power).  Whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people  to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government (lets see someone try it -LS - not a Bush!Why not a Bush! (I love Bush)laying its foundation  on such principles and organizing its and everyones powers in such form to be filled out, (scott) as to provide for their safety and well-being and happiness! alice 3/25/08. 

Dear Prudence (who's she?) will dictate (you and what army??) that governments long established should not be changed for light  and transient causes, only for heavy and stable ones.  Experience has shown that grapes (grapes?) why not stone fruit aka drupes even?(mediabreath) are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train why do those long trains appear when one is in a hurry?  E.B.3/8/08 of abuses juxtaposed I love that word! ds 3/25/08 with  usurpations another excellent "big word" - Janelle 3/13/08, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute (ABSOLUTE!) despotism, it is their right, nay,  it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards (what kind of guards?) for their future security and make sure that your virus software is up-to-date!. NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION! OR ELSE!   Such has been the patient  suffering of these territories under the immediate political control of a state; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government.

The history of the United States is a history of repeated injuries [see http://www.cdc.gov/NCIPC for informationabout repetitive use injuries] KC 3/15/08 and usurpations (not to mention all the usurping the colonists did to the Native Americans, Jackie 3/26), all having in direct object or indirect object(scott)the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states.

To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world by means of Candid Camera or YouTube. or anyone else's home video. Doesn't anyone send videos to Funniest Home Videos anymore?  Ah, the good old days. - Janelle 3/1/08 Well, they did make the movie "National Treasure" Onida 3/21/08   Stick-ers, this is just a big mess! mojo 3/23/08.   

And accordingly all experience hath shown (cw 4/2/08) that mankind HUMANKIND, if you please ds 3/25/08 are more disposed to suffer while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. (Better the devil you know, eh?) Renee D. 3/20/08

Remember this country is a Republic not a Democracy!

 

 

After reading all of this all I can think about is what happened to our freedom? Don't we live in the United States of America so that we can have freedom to do as we please? Oh but we don't if were a business owner and want to have smoking  in our establishment and oh we will no long have the right to buy the kind of light bulb we want (yes they just passed a law for 2010 that we can only buy one kind of light bulb) I want to choose to be "green" if I want to be and if I don't, I should have that right as well with out my house being burned down.

 

I also found I couldn't change anything in the actual document. But it would be cool to link some of the words to a dictionary definition. jlundholm 3/17/08  You wouldn't be able to edit the "actual document" because it's an image, but you can edit this text.  MS, 3-30-08

I added a couple words in the document.  Could see this work for online collorabation  Alice